Whatcha textin bout Willis?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Say something about gay babies.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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