The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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