I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
