I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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