life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
