I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
