If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
