how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
