I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
