remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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