I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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