i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
