If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
