Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
