im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
