i wish peter jackson would direct porn
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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