whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
