Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
