i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
