I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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