Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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