Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
