You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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