Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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