dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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