Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
