have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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