Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
