Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
