I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
