Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
