Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
