Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
