He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
