the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
