Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
