he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
