Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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