He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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