If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
