The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
