Ketchup is God's man juice
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dick very happy bro
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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