she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
