You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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