I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
