need another drink. this is the easiest way
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
