hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
