Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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