I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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