There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
