last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
