His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
