you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
