guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
