Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
