Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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