She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I will pee on everything he values.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
