I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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