hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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