addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
