nut hugger
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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