Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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